No Day at the Beach
by CaptainSwanLuver
Summary: Emma and the Charmings take Killian on his first trip to the beach. But David and Killian's competitive streaks rear their ugly heads, turning a relaxing day at the beach into anything but.


**Title** : No Day at the Beach

 **Summary** : Emma and the Charmings take Killian on his first trip to the beach. But David and Killian's competitive streaks rear their ugly heads, turning a relaxing day at the beach into anything but.

 **Rating** : PG

 **Pairing** : Killian/Emma

 **Characters** : Killian, Emma, David, Mary Margaret, Henry

 **Category** : Humor/Romance

 **Note** : Thanks for the responses to "True Love Waits". Part 2 will be posted on Monday. This is just a fun little story that came from the fact that I miss David and Killian bickering. Hope you enjoy it! ~Steph

 **...No Day at the Beach: Part 1/1…**

Killian appeared in the kitchen just as Emma turned away from the coffee pot, mug in hand. Her eyes roamed his body, top to bottom, her brow furrowing.

"Why aren't you ready to go? My parents will be here soon."

He glanced down at his attire. "I am ready."

"Dressed like that?" she said, gesturing with the mug at his boots, jeans, vest, button down shirt, and leather jacket. "We're going to the beach, Killian."

"Aye."

"You do know what the beach is, right? It's the sandy area attached to the water you adore so much."

He offers her a close-mouthed smile. "I am aware of what a beach is."

"But apparently you've never actually visited one."

"I had occasion to traverse an island or two in search of treasure during my pirating days."

"Ah, I see. So you've never actually visited a beach for pleasure."

"Can't say that I have."

"Well, you are entirely overdressed. You need a swimsuit, maybe a t-shirt, some flip flops, and a beach towel. Ditch the rest."

He stared at his clothes. "I own nothing of which you speak."

Emma walked over to the kitchen table and picked up a bag. "Good thing your girlfriend is always prepared and predicted you'd be woefully unprepared. Everything you need is in here. I even got you a swimsuit with anchors on it."

She handed him the bag and he placed a kiss to her cheek. "Thank you, love. What would I do without you?"

She smiled and shook her head. "Lucky for you, you'll never have to find out."

…

Killian glanced over at Emma as she drove. "So, tell me, Swan, if one does not search for treasure on a beach, what does one do?"

Emma shrugged. "Lots of things. Sunbathe, swim, make a sandcastle, play frisbee."

"Frisbee?"

"It's a plastic disk that you throw back and forth. It's a game."

He lifted his hook. "And it can be done with just the one hand?"

Emma nodded. "Yeah, sure. The hook can help you catch it." She turned her head and smiled, as she arched an eyebrow. "But I know from firsthand experience you are quite adept at doing things with just the one hand."

His lips slid into an easy grin, as he cocked his eyebrows. "Aye, that I am."

They heard the clearing of a throat from the backseat. "Uh, kid back here," Henry said, wrinkling his nose in disgust.

Emma and Killian laughed. Killian gestured to the back with his hook. "I forgot the lad was back there. He was so quiet with his ear speakers on."

"They're called headphones," Henry corrected, before placing them back on.

Emma sighed. "He's definitely in full teen mode. Regina says he only comes out for food. He isn't happy with me right now because I forced him to come to the beach with his family, rather than hang out with Violet."

Killian tilted his head to the side. "Can't say I blame the lad. I too prefer the company of a lovely lass."

"Well, lucky for you, you don't have to choose," she said with a bright smile. "You get to have me and my family today."

He offered her a grin. "I am quite fortunate."

...

They arrived at the beach shortly thereafter and set about unloading both cars. They carried their beach chairs, umbrella, cooler, and towels, as they weaved their way through the crowd in search of a bit of sand to call their own. They finally found a spot and went about laying out their towels and setting up the chairs and umbrella.

David clapped his hands together when they were done. "What should we do first?"

"Sandcastle building competition!" Henry declared.

David and Killian nodded their agreement, while Mary Margaret sighed at her daughter. "Why must everything be a competition with men?"

"It's in their DNA," Emma replied.

Killian cocked an eyebrow. "How about lads versus lasses?"

Emma's brow raised at that. "Interesting suggestion. Tell me, Captain, have you ever even seen a sandcastle?"

He shook his head. "No, but I've seen the real thing. I am fairly confident I can create a replica out of sand."

Emma smiled as David bobbed his head. "We'll have another beachgoer be the judge."

"What does the winner get?" Henry asked.

Mary Margaret smiled. "Bragging rights. Losers buy dinner."

All five nodded and then retrieved their buckets to begin.

...

"You're putting way too much water!" David scolded Killian.

"Bugger off, mate!" Killian replied, as he struggled to form his sand into something that resembled a turret.

"This doesn't look anything like a castle," Henry said, surveying their handiwork.

He was right. Five year olds could have done a better job. It essentially looked like a huge lump with smaller lumps piled on top.

David glared at Killian, who was now staring at Emma with a grin upon his lips. He couldn't help but admire the way she looked in her barely there bikini as she manipulated the sand.

"Well, maybe if someone paid attention and stopped making eyes at my daughter, we'd accomplish more," David spat.

Killian tore his eyes away from Emma and met David's. "Perhaps if someone ceased scolding and did a bit more sculpting, then we'd have a better chance."

David's jaw tightened. Suddenly, he lifted his hand and knocked over one of Killian's so-called turrets.

"Bloody hell! he screamed, his eyes flaring. "Why the devil did you do that?!"

Emma and Mary Margaret laughed as they viewed the scene. They were working harmoniously together. Despite stealing frequent glances at Killian, whose chest was glistening with sweat in a way that made her mouth water, Emma was still able to produce solid work. They had a piece that actually resembled a castle. It was simple, but from the looks of it, they wouldn't need more than that to overtake the men.

"Trouble in paradise," Emma said with a chuckle, as Killian threw a handful of sand at David.

Mary Margaret joined in her laughter, as David proceeded to dump a bucket of sand on Killian's head.

"Unbelievable. They somehow manage to get along well enough to defeat villains and break curses, but a sandcastle competition does them in," Mary Margaret said with a shake of her head.

"Should we break it up?" Emma asked her mother, as Killian slashed his hook across David's drawbridge which, like the rest, looked like a lump.

Mary Margaret shook her head with a grin. "Nope. Their testosterone and oversize egos are going to earn us dinner. I'm thinking lobster."

Emma laughed and returned to work.

Thirty minutes later, time was called. Emma and Mary Margaret had produced a small, simple castle. David, Henry, and Killian had produced a huge pile of sand. A man in his sixties who was sitting close by had been asked to judge and was now examining their work.

"This is all your fault," David muttered to Killian, his arms crossed over his chest.

"How the devil do you suppose that? I could sculpt better with my feet than you can with two hands."

"You take that back!" David yelled, nostrils flaring.

"Stop!" Henry ordered with a roll of his eyes. "You both sucked."

Killian and David exchanged one more glare. The judge finished his examination and to no one's surprise, the women were declared the winners.

Emma and Mary Margaret cheered and hugged, while Killian and David sneered at each other. Killian walked over to Emma.

"Congratulations, love. You produced fine work."

"Thank you," she said, coming up close to him and running her hands down his bare, slick chest.

Killian's eyes moved from her face to her tiny black bikini, his tongue lashing at his lips.

"I must admit your father was right. You're a bloody distraction in this thing you call a swimsuit."

His hand moved to her side and trailed down to her hip, causing goosebumps to appear on her skin.

She leaned in close to him and whispered, "I was counting on that," in his ear.

She offered him a smile as she pulled away and then dropped down onto her towel.

"Bloody minx," he muttered.

...

The family spent the next hour enjoying the sun. Mary Margaret fed Neal while also reading a book she had been meaning to get to for months. Henry listened to music. David flipped through a magazine. Emma enjoyed the rare opportunity to just relax and do nothing, as the warmth from the sun washed over her. Killian was sleeping beside Emma. She had kept him up until the wee hours of the night, so she was certainly not surprised when he drifted off to sleep.

They had been living together for months now so she was well acquainted with his sleeping habits. He hogged the covers and got up at an ungodly hour. And she wasn't sure how a man as gorgeous as he could produce such hideous noises while sleeping. He sounded like a rhino dying.

David dropped his magazine and threw daggers at Killian, then Emma. "Can you please quiet your boyfriend down? People are going to start thinking there's beached whale washed up on shore."

Emma shrugged. "What do you expect me to do?"

David stood, a mischievous grin upon his lips. "I guess if I have to listen to him, I might as well have a little fun."

David grabbed a bucket and scooped up some sand, as he knelt by Killian.

"David, leave him alone," Mary Margaret said tiredly, looking up from her book.

David shook his head, as he dumped some sand onto Killian's chest. Luckily for him, he was a very sound sleeper. Years on the sea had made it so he could sleep through anything. He was dead to the world.

"I'll show him who can sculpt sand," David said, dumping another bucketful on him.

Mary Margaret looked at Emma. "Aren't you going to do anything? Your father is about to bury your boyfriend in sand and sculpt God knows what out of him."

Emma shrugged her shoulders. "I kind of want to see what he makes."

David worked meticulously. He covered Killian in about a foot of sand, so only his neck and head remained uncovered. He then set about making him into a mermaid. He sculpted a tail and scales along his lower body. He then dumped another bucketful on Killian's chest and set about sculpting two very large breasts.

"David, that is enough," Mary Margaret said. "Hook is going to kill you when he wakes up."

"Good luck getting up. I packed him in real good."

"You are behaving like a child," his wife said.

"He started it," David retorted.

Mary Margaret rolled her eyes. "Such a mature response."

Emma had to bite her lip to keep from laughing, as her father took Killian's hook and placed it on one of the breasts he had fashioned, while his hand remained buried beneath the sand. He then grabbed his phone and aimed the camera at him. He snapped a few photos, as Killian began to stir, but didn't waken.

Emma knew there was only one thing that could pull him out of even the soundest of sleeps. She rolled over onto her side and sidled up close to him. She ran her hands through his hair and then down his scruff. Emma then leaned over and placed a kiss to his lips.

Killian's eyes immediately flew open, his hand instinctively moving to cup the back of her head. But when he attempted to move his arm, he found he couldn't. His eyes moved from Emma down his body, widening at the sight of himself covered in sand. He attempted to wiggle his body, but found that he couldn't move a muscle.

"Bloody hell!" he screamed, his eyes flashing with anger as he found David's laughing face.

"How do you like my sculpting now, pirate?" David asked with a nod of his head. "I think you make a lovely mermaid. You could really give Ariel a run for her money."

Killian looked at Emma, as he spoke through gritted teeth. "You allowed your father to do this to me?"

Emma shrugged. "Yeah, sorry. I have to agree you are a stunning mermaid though." She paused, running her hand down his body. "And I kind of like having you at my mercy."

Killian licked at his lips. "Under other circumstances and without the company of your family, I'd be more than happy to be at your mercy, love. But now I must request that you free me. I would be happy to let you have your way with me once we get home as means of repayment," he said.

Emma tilted her head at him and then pressed another kiss to his lips.

"Sorry," she said with a shake of her head. "But this sun has made me so hot. I need to cool off in the water."

With a laugh, she took off running toward the ocean.

"Swan!" Killian called.

Once Mary Margaret and Henry saw how refreshing the water seemed, they ran in after her. David grabbed the baby carrier and placed it by Killian.

"Would you be a peach and watch Neal for us? You're not going anywhere, right?" David asked with a chuckle, before heading toward the water.

Killian looked at the smiling baby wearily. "I don't suppose you'd like to choose now to make yourself useful." Neal giggled his response. "I thought not."

Killian sighed heavily, as he stared up at the clear blue sky.

"No matter," he said. "I've been in far worse scrapes before and I've always managed to escape. Your sister once left me shackled atop a beanstalk, at the mercy of a giant. But I escaped unscathed."

Using his hook, Killian began digging and scraping away at the sand. It took him 45 minutes, but he was finally able to free himself. By then, Henry and Mary Margaret had returned to their chairs. Killian placed Neal between them and took off running toward the water.

Emma and David had their backs to the shore, so neither saw Killian hurtling towards them. By the time David heard him splashing behind him, it was too late. Killian tackled him and David fell face first into the water.

"Killian!" Emma said, as he removed himself from her father, a satisfied smile on his face.

"He was asking for it, love," he said.

David emerged from the water and glared at Killian. Suddenly, he lunged at him, but Killian easily sidestepped him, causing David to do a face plant into the water.

Killian chuckled, as David pulled himself up out of the water, fists clenched. He offered him another steely glare, before turning around and wading toward shore.

Killian's laughter faded as he turned around and faced Emma, whose hands were planted on her hips.

"Are you happy now?" she asked.

"Aye, I'd say I'm rather satisfied."

"You're both behaving like children," she said.

"Love, he left me to fend for myself beneath a mountain of sand."

"Fend for yourself? What did you think was going to happen, Killian? You would be attacked by a crab? Eaten by a seagull? Or maybe devoured by sand fleas?"

He dropped his eyes in embarrassment. "Well...no...but it was rather uncomfortable."

Emma smiled, her face softening. She came up close to him, looping her arms around his neck and pressing her body into his. He swallowed hard at her touch.

"I'm going to need you to take the high road here."

"Swan, I hope you are not suggesting I apologize to your father."

She shook her head. "Of course not. I am only suggesting you call a truce. So we can enjoy the rest of our day. Please?"

Killian tilted his head to the side as he considered it.

Emma leaned forward, bringing her lips close to his ear. "I promise I'll make it worth your while when we get home."

Killian's eyebrows peaked, his eyes moving to her lips. His finger came up to toy with the string of her bikini top that hung around her neck.

"I'll agree on one condition. You wear this thing you refer to as a swimsuit and allow me to peel it off you," he replied in a lustful whisper.

Emma's lips slid into a smile. "Deal."

She then pressed a kiss to his lips.

...

A half hour later, everyone returned to the water, except Henry, who was more than happy to stay on the beach and watch Neal while listening to his music and texting Violet.

Emma watched as her father and mother came closer to them. She nudged Killian with her elbow. With a heavy sigh, he waded over to David.

"I would like to propose a truce so that we may enjoy the rest of the day together," he said, extending his hand.

David looked at his hand for a long moment, then slipped his into it. "Fine, I accept your apology."

Killian's mouth fell open. "Listen, mate, I wasn't apologizing. I did nothing wrong."

"I believe insulting my sculpting abilities and then destroying my hard work counts as something wrong."

"And you left me to perish on the beach while you went galavanting in the water."

Mary Margaret cleared her throat. "Okay, okay, enough. You are both being ridiculous."

"You were both wrong. Now shake hands and start behaving like adults," Emma said.

They sighed heavily and began to shake hands, when suddenly Killian's eyes grew wide and he let out a yelp. He released David's hand and began to hop around on one foot.

"What's wrong, Killian?" Emma asked, concern etched into her features.

"Some bloody creature stung me!" he screamed, as he reached into the water to grab at his leg.

Mary Margaret pointed at the jellyfish floating nearby. "Jellyfish."

"Bloody hell!" Killian screamed, as he winced in pain.

Emma and David helped Killian to the shore, laying him down on the sand.

David examined the red wound on his leg. "That's a jellyfish sting alright."

"Someone do something. The pain is excruciating," Killian moaned through gritted teeth.

Emma cocked her head to the side. "Uh, you've lost your hand, been hit by a car, stabbed, and tortured in the Underworld, but a jellyfish sting makes you whine like a baby?"

He offered her a withering glare. "I am not whining, I am simply informing you that it hurts like bloody hell. I'd appreciate some sympathy and perhaps some assistance."

Emma brought her hands up. "I'm sure my magic can heal you."

David scoffed and mumbled so only Killian could hear him. "Real men don't need their girlfriends to use magic to withstand pain."

Killian groaned in annoyance and then waved his hand. "Forget it, love. You should only use your magic for things of a serious nature. I don't wish to take advantage of your ability."

Emma shrugged. "Who cares?"

"I'll be fine," he said weakly.

The commotion on the beach was enough to pull Henry out of teen mode. He walked over to them and looked down at Killian, gesturing to his blistered leg.

"I know what to do. I saw it on an episode of Friends. Monica got stung."

Killian squeezed his eyes closed. "I don't know what this Friends is you speak of or who this Monica is, but I would very much appreciate hearing what was done to help her."

Henry shrugged. "Chandler peed on her."

Killian's eyes flew open, as Emma, David, and Mary Margaret laughed.

Killian held his hand up. "Apologies, the pain must have caused me to mishear. I thought I heard you say someone urinated on her to relieve the pain."

"Nope, that's what I said."

Killian shook his head. "No way in bloody hell! I'd rather perish on this beach!"

Emma shrugged. "Killian, if you won't let me use my magic, then it's better than nothing until we can get you some medical attention."

David pulled at the waistband of his swimsuit and grinned. "I'd be happy to volunteer to urinate on you, Hook. In fact, it would be my pleasure."

Killian smirked at him. "I don't doubt that it would."

Mary Margaret went to retrieve her phone and looked up urinating on a jellyfish sting. She shook her head. "Forget it. It's a myth. It can actually do more harm than good."

David grinned down at Killian. "I'm willing to test that theory."

Emma rolled her eyes. "I'll go to the lifeguard and see if he can assist us."

She returned with the lifeguard, who brought a first aid kit with him. He said the sting was minor. He cleaned the area, applied some ointment, and wrapped it in a bandage. Killian thanked him, as Emma and David helped him up.

Killian looked at Emma. "Let's play that frisbee game you spoke of."

"Excuse me? Ten minutes ago, you were acting as if you were dying. Now you want to play frisbee?"

"I simply want to enjoy the time we have left at the beach, love."

"Killian, you can barely walk," Emma said, as she pointed down at his leg.

"I'm fine, Swan. You're right. I've survived far worse."

Emma groaned, but shook her head in defeat.

...

They set up their frisbee game right in front of their spot, so everyone could play, but they could still keep an eye on Neal.

"So how does one become the victor in this game?" Killian asked.

Mary Margaret shrugged. "Oh we just play for fun. You just throw the frisbee back and forth and try to catch it. It's not really a competition."

"Seems like a bloody waste of energy for no reward," he said, as he hopped one foot.

Emma let out a groan. "I know I said competition is in men's DNA, but, seriously, why must everything turn into a competition?"

David shrugged. "More fun that way." He looked at Killian. "I see no reason why we can't turn this into a friendly competition."

Killian smiled. "Aye, that's the spirit, mate."

"It doesn't seem like you two know the meaning of the word friendly," Mary Margaret pointed out.

David ignored his wife and nodded at Killian's leg. "That is, if you're up to it, of course. I wouldn't want to take advantage of an injured man."

Killian offered him a close-mouthed smile. "Your concern warms my heart, mate, but I am more than capable of defeating you, injured or not."

David sighed. "I don't know. You don't want to aggravate your injury and end up with a peg leg. Although then I guess you'd only be missing the eyepatch to qualify as a true pirate."

"David!" Mary Margaret said, as she swatted her husband's arm.

Killian's eyes grew wide, as he laughed caustically and wagged his hook at him. "I believe that qualifies as a challenge, Dave."

Emma let out a frustrated breath. "Come on, Mom, Henry. Let's go back to our chairs. There's not enough room here for all of us and their egos."

Mary Margaret, Henry, and Emma returned to their chairs, as David and Killian engaged in a stare down.

David picked up the frisbee. "Play to ten. If you don't catch it, your opponent gets the point."

"Aye."

David smiled as he aimed the frisbee and purposely threw it to the side of Killian so he would have to leap off his injured leg to try to catch it. Killian winced as he sprung to his right, hand outstretched. He managed to catch the frisbee right before it hit the sand. He winced as he stood back up, his leg stinging.

"Not bad, pirate."

"Many thanks, prince."

Killian had never thrown a frisbee before, but he figured it didn't seem that difficult. He aimed, but gave it way too much wrist action. The frisbee came nowhere near David and ended up within inches of the water.

David laughed. "Forgot to mention opponent gets the point if the throw is out of reach."

Killian gritted his teeth as David went to retrieve the frisbee. He returned and aimed it. This time he threw it high, forcing Killian to jump up. Killian jumped as high as he could with his injured leg, but just barely missed it.

"Point for me!" David declared.

Emma and Mary Margaret shook their heads as they watched the men they love compete.

"It will be a miracle if they emerge without serious injury," Mary Margaret said.

Emma laughed. "To their bodies or egos?"

"Both," she said.

Killian threw the frisbee much better the second time, but David caught it. It continued on for a while, each catching the throws. Killian figured out how to use his hook to assist him with catching. He earned two points on David: one when David threw far too wide of him and another when he missed the catch. They were tied at two points apiece. The game continued on until they were now tied at 9. The next point would win the game.

David hesitated as his eyes focused on him. Killian grinned. "What's the matter, Dave? Fearful of losing to a one-handed pirate with a gimpy leg?"

David grinned. "I've been going easy on you."

His eyes narrowed as he aimed the frisbee at Killian, his wrist flicking sharply as he released it. It took off before Killian could properly react. He put his hand up as it came hurtling toward his face, but it was too late. The frisbee hit him right in the left eye. He moaned, as his hand flew up to cover his eye.

"Bloody hell!"

Emma and Mary Margaret jumped out of their chairs and raced toward him. Emma dropped to her knees and caressed his cheek.

"Killian, are you okay?"

"Do I seem okay, love?"

"Let me see," Emma said, as she pulled his hand away.

His eye was swollen shut and red.

"Looks like you'll be needing that eye patch," David said with a laugh.

Mary Margaret slapped his arm. "David! You could be a little compassionate. This is your fault, after all."

David shrugged. "I played fair."

Emma brought her hands above Killian's face. "So, can I heal you with my magic now or are you going to be stubborn and proud about it again?"

Killian felt the pain throbbing in his leg and eye. "Proceed, love."

Emma waved her hand over his eye and the swelling immediately disappeared and the redness faded. She continued down to his leg. Killian sighed in relief as the throbbing dissipated.

"Thank you, Swan," he said with a smile.

She pressed a kiss to his lips and brushed his hair off his forehead. "You're welcome."

David picked up the frisbee. "Rematch?"

Emma and Mary Margaret threw him death glares.

"No!" they yelled in unison.

...

That night, they sat at a restaurant by the water eating dinner. The men were supposed to pay since they lost the sand castle competition, but seeing as Henry had no money and Killian only had dubloons, the bill fell to David.

Mary Margaret eyed the two men. "You know, you two need to do a better job of getting along when it comes to competing. You're family now. You're stuck with each other."

David shrugged. "Hook isn't officially family. I mean, I don't see a ring on our daughter's finger."

Killian and Emma exchanged a glance and Emma felt her face grow red.

"David, we went to the Underworld to try to save him. He's family."

"Fine," he grumbled.

Killian smiled at Emma as he reached over and entwined his fingers with hers. "If it makes you feel any better, mate, I plan on making it official very soon."

Emma's eyes grew wide. "You do?"

Killian nodded. "Aye, love. In case you haven't realized it by now, there's no ridding yourself of me."

Emma grinned and placed a kiss on his lips, then lowered her head to his shoulder. "I intend to hold you to that."

David rolled his eyes. "Well, there is the matter of asking for my daughter's hand in marriage first."

"Dad," Emma said. "That is so old-fashioned. I am not a piece of property."

"Sweetheart, I have forgone many traditional customs since leaving the Enchanted Forest. I'm afraid I must insist on this one."

Killian bobbed his head. "I intend to uphold tradition when the time comes."

David chuckled. "Guess we'll see if you meet with my approval."

Killian smiled. "Don't think I've forgotten how you said I've grown on you, mate. And then you even embraced me upon my return from the dead."

"True, but you weren't asking to marry my little girl then," David said.

Killian laughed and nodded his head. "Fair enough."

...

Henry slept in the backseat as they drove back to Storybrooke.

Emma looked over at Killian. "So what did you think of the beach?"

"I think I fared better in the Underworld. I don't believe the beach is for me, love."

"Maybe we'll come back just the two of us next time." She licked at her lips slowly. "I bet I can improve your outlook on the beach."

"I bet you can," Killian said with a grin. He paused and then went on. "I believe our deal still stands."

"Our deal?"

"Aye, you promised to make it worth my while at home if I called a truce with your father. I made good on my promise."

Emma shrugged. "Yeah, but the truce lasted for like two seconds."

Killian smiled. "I don't believe you stipulated how long the truce had to last."

"Leave it to a pirate to find a loophole," she said with a laugh.

Killian laughed with her and then leaned over to whisper in her ear. "I'm nothing if not motivated."

His warm breath tickled her ear, sending goosebumps across her skin. She pressed her foot on the gas to speed up the car in an effort to get home more quickly.

"Still back here," Henry called from the backseat, apparently now awake.

Emma and Killian exchanged a look and then a laugh, as they sped toward home.

...The End...

Thanks for reading! I'd appreciate any feedback you'd like to give. ~Steph


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